19/03/2013: Love Lessons

I came across these video’s by WongFu Productions on YouTube a while ago, but I saw another one on YouTube today and it got me hooked on watching all of them again. In the area of relationships how many times do we miss out because we don’t get the courage to say something:

and how strange is it that someone who wasn’t in your world could become your whole world then become a memory:

They have really good short films, mainly to do with relationships, that are really reminiscent of everyday life. Check it out.

Good thing of the day: It’s nice to know you’re not alone.


13/03/2013: Get the Guy

So I recently browsed through section of Waterstone’s (UK Bookstore) and came across this book: “Get The Guyby Matthew Hussey. I was intrigued by the title and a bit sceptical “What a bold statement…so you have all the answers huh?” but flipped through it regardless and found myself reading for about 10 minutes! It actually seemed quite interesting – it was targeted at women but gives you relationship advice from a male perspective.  I wanted to read the rest so I thought I’d get it. Online. (Couldn’t have the cashier knowing I’m buying a book on snagging a guy  *cringe* – all women should be able to do this naturally right?)

 I started reading it on the train, all the while blushing and trying so to cover up the title hoping no one saw it (as I said the title is what caught my eye – it’s bold and huge – if it caught my eye, it will surely catch other people’s, then they’d look up to see who is reading it….ridiculous to be embarrassed, I know, but I was – I guess I didn’t want anyone to think I needed the book, I’m still young!). I read the rest in the comfort of my own home and just had to share (so I can’t read it on a train, yet I have no problem writing about the fact that I’m reading it and sharing it with the world. Weird.)

The thing is I’m actually not too fussed about my love life.  I have always been the ‘when it happens, it will happen‘ kind of person (but not overly so, I’m still aware that if you sit at home, nothing will happen). I had the dream of my Prince Charming coming along in a chance encounter and sweeping me away but as you get older you realise that there is only a limited amount of time that this mentality can be sustained for before you get to that panic stage of “OMG where is he???” Why am I still single?!”. Time is ticking down and I’ve become even more aware of it now that everyone around me is getting engaged left, right and centre. This book unfortunately busts my little fairytale bubble and tells you to get out there! – chance encounters are all well and good but you’re more likely to meet someone by creating situations in which you can meet someone.

I like the way the author put the advice into three parts: ‘Find the Guy‘ (about meeting more men, finding the right guy and starting relationships), ‘Get the Guy‘ (deepening connections with guys you could  potentially have long-term relationships with) and ‘Keep the Guy‘ (maintaining a relationship once you’ve got him). He even gives you video tips (on his website), to demonstrate what he is talking about. The advice is sound and there are no sleazy lines such as ‘wear a low-cut top’. He covers topic such as “Where are all the good guys?”, ‘Creating a great date’  and “Is he Mr Right?”

As much as you learn things from one perspective, having the other side is brilliant.  He actually started out coaching men on how to find the right woman so although this book is for women, he might have other things on his site (and in his seminars) that are useful for men.

I believe you should prepare yourself to be ‘the one’ before you meet ‘the one’ so I do read books on relationships and attend seminars etc from time to time, so this book could be a good investment. Wise people learn from other people and learn most from other people’s mistakes – get all the advice you can and make life easy for yourself.  I’m not worried about it. Yet. I might try some of the tips out though, let’s see how effective they are ;-).

He also has a TV show coming out on NBC called “Ready for Love” produced by Eva Longoria, so I’ll check that out too.

Have you read any good relationship books? If you’re single what do you do to be content with it?

Good thing of the day: Preparation is key, even for relationships. Great book.

6/02/2013: Love in Every Language

I remembered a book today, one that I had previously read that talked about the languages of love: “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I had been reading a chapter from “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R Covey, when I came across a story in it that made me think about think about the way we treat others and take people for granted and also made me think about this book on love languages.

The story was “The Goose That Laid the Golden Egg”.

“There once was a countryman who had a goose that laid eggs. One day the countryman, going to the nest of his goose, found an egg there all yellow and glittering.  When he picked it up it was very heavy. He was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played on him but he decided to take it home and soon discovered that it was an egg of pure gold.

Every morning the same thing occurred, his goose laid eggs of gold! He saw an opportunity and grew rich by selling his eggs. As he gee rich he grew greedy: “Just think, if I could have all the golden eggs inside the goose, I’d be richer much faster!” So thinking to get all the gold the goose could give he killed it only to find nothing inside.”

This story was used to highlight how people are so focused on getting the product that they don’t take care of the thing that is doing the producing. This is true for appliances e.g not taking care of appliances in the home or not mending clothes but  can be applied to people too. We focus so much on what a person produces (whether they clean their room, have good school results, work hard etc) that we don’t focus on taking care of them (figuring out why they are doing, feeling, thinking what they do, feel or think).

This got me thinking about how we can all help each other to bring out our best by caring much more for each other’s well-being. One thing the book highlights is to not let our thoughts and opinions of what the other person should be, affect their growth and well-being. I hadn’t thought about it like that before and I recognised a time when it had been done to me and also when I had done it to others.

Take my relationship with Sibling Two for example.  We seem to clash at times – I think he doesn’t do as much as he should and that by now he should know what to do without being told, I also think that rather than playing video games he should get out and explore the world but he seems so disinterested. I have compared him to myself and Sibling One at his age assuming that he should think, feel, act and do the same things we did as it will make him more mature, more responsible, better at such and such..etc but have I taken time to get to know him? Do I spend time with him for him to want to open up and let me know where he is at? Do I listen? Not really. So how will I know what he is interested in?, how will I know what he’s thinking or feeling or where he is at if I don’t take time to know all this? My challenge from now on is to change my perception and to change the way I treat him rather than try to change him by focusing on what he does.

Not that we should let someone we love go off the rails or not give advice or correction where it is due but people should still be allowed to develop in their own time and at their own pace. Focus on the producer not the product. Another way to bring out the best in someone is to show them that you care. The book ” The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman talks about how we all feel loved in different ways than can be put into 5 categories: Acts of service, Gifts, Quality time, Physical touch and Words of Affirmation. We may have a mix of them but we have a primary one. It’s good to notice what makes a person feel loved and build up your relationship that way.  My mum, for example, is so caring but at times I take that for granted and don’t tell her everything or spend time as much time with her as I should due to being ‘busy’. She loves people so what better way to show her that I care than just spend time even if it’s only 10 minutes and actually ask her and listen to how her day was and share mine. It’s not all about me!

It’s not always easy to do, but we have to try to make it a habit – our relationships are so important.With Valentines coming up love shouldn’t just be shown on this one day but should be shown everyday. Show love and it will be shown back.

This may help you to figure your Love Language (not extensive but useful): http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

Good thing of the day: My love language is quality time! More social for me then 😉