When it comes to committing to things, I have a hard time saying ‘No‘.
There have been many times when I have committed to do things I really didn’t have the heart for and was frustrated whilst doing and unfortunately that habit hasn’t completely gone away.
I am trying to develop the strong assertive character whereby I can say “No” but many times I end up saying yes whilst screaming “No!” in my head then complaining to myself all the way home.
The big question is why I didn’t just say no in the first place and get over it?
It’s people pleasing. Sometimes you think “What will they think of me?”, “But they will be so disappointed, how can I let them down?”, “They will think I’m unhelpful…” the list goes on. What I’ve found is that you are more irresponsible if you say ‘yes’ and commit to something you shouldn’t than if you say no. Why? well, what you need to realise is that you saying yes will be a detriment to their result. They will probably do better and have a better process if you do say no than if you said yes because after the disappointment of your ‘no’, they will eventually find someone who is fully engaged and truly has the heart to do what they are requesting of you rather than you who is struggling and grumbling to do the work.
It’s hard to let people down but often times they will survive and often times it is necessary. Attitude is everything and sometimes the word ‘No’ is good for you and good for your soul.
I am currently volunteering and although I had the mind to stop a few months ago I am still here and have recently just been asked to take on new responsibilities thus keeping me here longer. Honestly I don’t want to do it and I scream at myself asking why??? Why didn’t I just say no?! It’s just like the job I took on – Why? Why do I find myself in this situation time and time again? Why is it so hard to say no?
Well, the first thing I have to do is stop complaining. I can’t and should not complain about a situation I allowed myself to be in. It was my choice. Secondly, I have to come to terms with the fact that either way someone will be disappointed and being afraid of disappointing the other person or what they will think of you is a ridiculous reason to keep yourself in a disheartening situation. It is better for them to be momentarily disappointed and find someone else to help them, than for me to take on the work with resentment and frustration,wasting both our times by doing halfheartedly shoddy work.
I have to cultivate the habit of saying “NO!!”
No, I can’t do it
No, I don’t have time
No, I wont go
No, I don’t want to
Life is too short to waste it living in frustration. The good thing is that it is never too late to start. It might be harder than it would have been at the beginning but you can still gently and firmly say “No”. No, I cannot continue, you would be better served by someone else. If however, you are in way too deep i.e. you are a crucial element to success, I would finish the work I started but determine not to tie myself up with more work or commitments that I should say no to.
Whatever we do we should do with all our heart.
Live by it everyday.